When the ship was first spotted, I had the best feeling inside of me.
My heart pounded and dropped down into my stomach. An imaginary breath that had been gathering up inside of me finally gushed out of my lungs. My whole body was struck with relief. An incredulous look struck my face. I couldn't believe the day had finally come, I let out a shrill laugh. I ran up the mountain to the signal fire silently saying bye to a whimpering bird passing by. When I got to the top of the hill, the fire was gone. No flames, no smoke, nothing. It was then that Jack walked out of the bushes into the clearing. He came along side the rest of the hunters. They came with a pig. A huge, fat, dirty pig. They had war paint smeared on their faces. Dirt covered the boys clothes and Jack was especially covered in blood. He had a grin on his face. Like he had finally accomplished something.
My heart pounded and dropped down into my stomach. An imaginary breath that had been gathering up inside of me finally gushed out of my lungs. My whole body was struck with relief. An incredulous look struck my face. I couldn't believe the day had finally come, I let out a shrill laugh. I ran up the mountain to the signal fire silently saying bye to a whimpering bird passing by. When I got to the top of the hill, the fire was gone. No flames, no smoke, nothing. It was then that Jack walked out of the bushes into the clearing. He came along side the rest of the hunters. They came with a pig. A huge, fat, dirty pig. They had war paint smeared on their faces. Dirt covered the boys clothes and Jack was especially covered in blood. He had a grin on his face. Like he had finally accomplished something.
"Hunting!" I shouted. "A ship just passed and didn't see the signal fire because it was not burning. Keeping it burning was your job. If you hadn't been hunting the ship would have stopped and we would be off this place." I was struck with malevolence. I had the urge to hit Jack right then and there. This was preposterous.
"You and your hunting Jack Merridew! We might have gone home." Piggy cried.
"We needed meant." Jack said. Somehow he wasn't getting the point. The fact that we needed meat was not an excuse for him not keeping the fire up. This was irrelevant and would not make up for the harm he caused the rest of the boys.
"You didn't have to let the smoke out! You said you would keep the fire going." Piggy replied to Jack. Then Jack smacked Piggy in the head and I watched as his specs gyrated through the air. When Jack noticed I was angry with him, a different look came across his face. As if he was sorry. But not actually sorry, fake sorry, deep down inside I could tell, he was the happiest he had been since we got here.I could tell he was wearing a mask. His eyes showed his real emotions. "I'm sorry. About the fire, I- I mean-" I could tell that he was trying to imply that he shouldn't have gone hunting, that he knows he made a mistake, and that he's sorry. I didn't believe him.
As I turned my head away from Piggy and Jack something caught my eye. A glimpse of water with an opalescence, like a small pond. As I got closer, the mirage quickly faded away as did any hopes of getting off this island.
2 comments:
Sianni,
I really enjoyed your conclusion to the journal ("A glimpse of water with an opalescence, like a small pond. As I got closer, the mirage quickly faded away as did any hopes of getting off this island."). Nice use of symbols!
REVISION: Add details and descriptions to these parts of your story.
1) "When the ship was first spotted, I had the best feeling inside of me." What was the feeling like?
2) "It was then that Jack walked out of the bushes into the clearing. He came along side the rest of the hunters. It looked like they had caught a pig." This must be quite a sight. Can you describe this scene?
3) "When Jack noticed I was angry with him, a different look came across his face." What kind of look?
1) When the ship was first spotted I had the best feeling inside of me. My heart pounded and dropped down into my stomach. An imaginary breath that had been gathering up inside of me finally gushed out of my lungs. My whole body was struck with relief.
2)It was then that Jack walked out of the bushes into the clearing. He came along side the rest of the hunters. They came with a pig. A huge, fat, dirty pig. They had war paint smeared on their faces. Dirt covered the boys clothes and Jack was especially covered in blood. He had a grin on his face. Like he had finally accomplished something.
3) When Jack noticed I was angry at him a different look came across his face. As if he was sorry. But not actually sorry, fake sorry, deep down inside I could tell, he was the happiest he had been since we got here.I could tell he was wearing a mask. His eyes showed his real emotions.
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